Day 40!

Probably the worst moments a person can imagine, seated comfortably listening to your flaws as someone gladly lays them out for you. He is what a girl could say handsome, though charming doesn't go with this package, he is agreeable, looking at him trying as much as possible to not look so shaken by the words he was telling me, thinking to myself how I got here or how this conversation started, well I guess I started it.
"You have trust issues", he says as he repositions himself to stand in front of me leaning against the table looking straight at me he continues, "Anger issues, that is your major problem and with that you hurt people very much!" Wow! that was a blow right there, I don not want to hurt people but, wait a minute am not going to make every body happy, am I? even God himself angers a lot of people guess the difference is hurt and anger.
Almost losing it, I felt the ground should swallow me and take me to, God knows where! this guy goodness had the nerve! but I couldn't refute what he was saying, I knew it took a lot of courage to tell me this and I knew I would appreciate it later, not now!
Just to be clear this not a conversation between boyfriend and girlfriend, I wish! guess that explains the trust issue, a friend who has had enough of my unacceptable behavior and is speaking for the rest, well, am that bad, I guess? funny, I didn't even know I did that to people makes you wonder how many friends you actually have, looking at him I had never felt as loved as I did then, thinking back of the closest to me and how much they have gone through just being with me was an eye opener, but! I can't help feeling condemned too, guess nobody wants to be told they need help,most especially me I have always known I could do this on my own be a perfect friend and do good but it didn't cut it.
Most of your life you have longed to be accepted and most of the time have lost your self in the process of looking for approval from people who can never appreciate you genuinely, going to extremes and having moments that make you shrink just thinking about them.
"Sharon!" he says bringing me back from my thoughts looking at him I can see he is totally not amused, well honestly I can't think straight right now, am so shattered that all I want to do is go home and wallow in my misery maybe shade a tear or so, I know I need to change but its never hit me this much so guess it starts with an apology to this young arrogant man ( he is not flawless to you know!) which he takes and recommends therapy, which I think is a bit extreme but what the heck there is no use in refusing help which I so clearly need. Saying goodbye I rush to the door not noticing the smile that passes me with a puzzled look and the noise around me, feels like everything around me looks weird, people looking at me suspiciously, I think I hear whispers! is this what reality feels like? being oblivious seems a better option. oh well! power to the people as they say! lets get better for me.