LETTING IT GO!!!!!!!! LOL!

FORGIVENESS!!!!!!!!!!
For the past four years I have had a series of mishaps, lets jus say alot of drama and yeah! pain ad massive heart aches. It all started with this young seventeen year old yearning for acceptance and a sense of longing and belonging, best described as to fit in, the first time I went to my new school, I was so excited to start over and yay! there were boys anyway, I was loving the attention from boys and jus being in a mixed school cming from a grils only school, I was ready to shake it up little did I know ad be more shaken for the rest of my life! Here is the story of a young lady who whats to be broken and mended!
Lets start from high school, the boys were boys I was mean and made people's life miserable lets jus say my cousins and the ones I cared about and all I knew was that I was protecting them, well the got frustrated and decided to play a prank on me, got the boy I had a crush on to come to me and ask me out publicly and hey! I was bummed a boy liked me! I was happy and yeah in love! I guess more than I love I needed and wanted to be wanted and there he was, anyway I first took as a lie and played it safe but gave in and sent a note hoping we coud try! Little did I know I was in for a game! next day he sent anote back saying he never really cared and it was just aprank!!!!!!!! In my young mind I was so devastated and went on a vengeance. Hated boys, just hated myself and hated life. Thats just the beginning going to campus and trying to start a new life was not so different, I still hated my cousins and I hated myself and didn't know the story was just going to be the same
three more stories infact! as usual from the ones I cared about and now am still in the same place, same feeling, same shame and self loathing and I am so tired of being angry and cutting them out! Hating them and jus wondering what I did, not knowing I have tried to live a life that is not mine, trying too hard to be what people need me to be and worst of all wanting me to be!
I just want to say out loud I am broken, wounded and damaged and the only person who can take me in is God! Love me in such a state is God, heal me is the one who loves me the most!
I have searched for love in all the wrong places and I have been scroched and burnt, and still gone back wondering why I get burned! I am different! Am Okay with that, I am not the best person in the world I am very okay with that!
Looking in the mirror all I needed was to forive myself and then forgive them, they just did what I did to them, I can be hurt but I have to forgive! hard to forget but forgive and move on!
I want to be loved, Don't know if I am ready to love myself completely but I am goin to fight and try to get there, its a start, I want to be appreciated and cared for, I am not ashamed to say I am broken! Finally I am broken! ready to be mended with the love I have ignored most of my life! All my dear friends I hav e hurt and who have hurt me! I thank you I wouldn't be here if it was not for you and most of all I forgive you!! I Kia Sharon Peace FORGIVE YOU!!!!!!! AND MOST OF ALL FORGIVE MYSELF!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!